Julian Hollis — author of a new evidence-built series on attachment and relationships
Out now · The first book in The Relationship Series
Attachment and relationship books for the patterns keeping you stuck, or the person you love
Understand situationships, mixed signals, relationship anxiety, avoidant partners and how to build a secure relationship — whether you're living the pattern or loving the person who is. Research, practical frameworks, and the exact words to use next.
New title coming to the Attachment Series — August 2026. The next book is finished and in final preparation. Be first to hear →
How these books work
A whole book on the pattern you're living.
01Inside the pattern
Every chapter is about your style — written to be read from the inside. Not a verdict, but a map of what's happening, and why.
02Depth that holds
A five-part journey, a Decoder at the end of every chapter, and the real questions readers ask — answered in plain language, all the way through.
03Tools for the moment
What to actually do during activation, conflict, silence and withdrawal — situation by situation, not theory.
04The relationship you're in
Written for two readers at once — the one living the pattern and the one who loves them — and honest about boundaries, including when to walk away.
Start here.
One book is out now — the complete guide to undefined relationships. New titles will follow; join the list below to hear about each one first.
Explore the situationship book
The evidence promise
Every claim in these books is labelled by its evidence strength — peer-reviewed, strongly inferred, or original framework — so you always know what you're standing on.
The dual-audience promise
Each book is written for two readers at once: the person living the pattern, and the person trying to love them through it.
The coverage promise
610 real questions answered across the catalogue — the questions people actually type into search bars at 2am, printed in each book and answered in the text.
Out now · Also by Julian Hollis
The Relationship Series
The same method, turned on the questions that come before the pattern is named — dating, situationships, and how to read what's in front of you. The first title is out now, with the full collection to follow.
Read the first chapter · From the published edition
Chapter 1 — The Relationship Without the Rights
The opening chapter of Why You're Still in the Situationship, exactly as it appears in the book.
Questions & answers
Attachment, dating, and relationships — explained. And which book you need.
← The Journal
Situationships
Breadcrumbing, benching and the slow fade: a decoder
By Julian Hollis · 6 min read
If you've ever stared at a two-word reply after three days of silence and felt your whole week reorganise itself around it, you already know the experience. What you may not have is the vocabulary — and naming the behaviour precisely is the first step to deciding what to do about it.
Breadcrumbing
Small, irregular signals of interest — a like, a late-night message, a 'thinking of you' — dropped at intervals just wide enough to keep you looking for the next one. It costs the sender almost nothing. It costs you your attention, because irregular reward is precisely the schedule that keeps a nervous system checking. The behaviour predicts more of itself: crumbs are the meal.
Benching
You're kept warm while the starting line-up plays elsewhere. Contact rises whenever your attention drifts and falls the moment you're secured. The tell is timing: warmth arrives in response to your distance, not to you.
The slow fade
Not an ending — the absence of one. Replies stretch, plans soften into 'soon', and the relationship is dismantled so gradually there is never a moment to grieve. Grief without an ending is one of the hardest kinds, because your mind keeps a file open that nothing ever closes.
The question that cuts through
Every behaviour in this vocabulary survives on the same fuel: ambiguity that is never named. Which is why the cut-through is not detective work, spreadsheets of reply times, or one more month of hoping. It is a direct, kind question about what this is — asked once, in plain words, with a willingness to hear the answer.
Clarity is not pressure. You're allowed to know where you stand.
Go deeper
The complete decoder — the five profiles who keep things undefined, and the exact words for the conversation this article points to — is in Why You're Still in the Situationship, out now.
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